Amy's Journal
15 most recent posts





Date:2003-09-17 01:55
Subject:Surprise!
Security:Public

Hey, what do you know, I'm alive. New journal: Applebuddy

Comments: 11 ring a lings - ring my bell.
Date:2002-06-04 00:41
Subject:June 4th
Security:Public
Mood:Dead

My day has come. It was nice knowing all of you, the good and bad times. So now, I will sing for you..Nananana..Nananana..Hey hey hey..Good-bye.

Any comments or e mails left will not be received, so I have disallowed comments. Good luck to you all.





Date:2002-05-29 15:19
Subject:I am as happy as I can be, under the circumstances
Security:Public
Mood: blah

^^^^^ I like it.

Comments: 10 ring a lings - ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-28 20:10
Subject:Muahaha
Security:Public
Mood: bored

So I am really bored. Lisa hooked up dsl here at my dad's so everything is all fast. I love it. I was playing with my webcam. See below. My dad was like...Amy why are you wearing a sock on your arm..hahaha I was like uhh I fell in a bush chasing the cat. Phew.

title or description
title or description
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By the way...I <3 John

Comments: 9 ring a lings - ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-27 14:59
Subject:Help me get away from myself
Security:Public
Mood: depressed

Ugggh. I want to die. I want to die slowly. Painfully. I hate my life. I don't deserve to be here. I am a waste of space. Money, time, energy. I am thinking of moving into my closet. That way nobody would have to look at me, think about me, worry about bumping into me, I would just be out of the way. I expect to much. I am sitting in front of a computer, on the internet. Both cost money. I am sitting on a chair. In a room with a tv on. A movie. Next to a bed. These are things that I don't deserve. Why should they be mine? I do nothing but use them. All day. Everyday. My life consists of working out, bathing, watching tv, sitting on the computer. I avoid interaction with most people. I stay inside, because the sun is intimidating and gives me anxiety. The world is too big. I don't like being seen. I am a total disappointment and waste. And I have known this. Why have I been trying to tell myself that maybe I'm not? Why even try? I ought to just go sit in my closet and think about dying. Dream about dying. Sleep to escape my reality. Maybe die. I wish. There is one good thing right now in my life. And I don't deserve it.

Comments: 8 ring a lings - ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-26 16:06
Subject:
Security:Public





I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type
at kelly.moranweb.com.

Comments: 2 ring a lings - ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-25 16:58
Subject:The ants go marching one by one
Security:Public

La I am bored enough to post. I have been staying off the computer!! Wow!!! I do other stuff!!!! Pretty soon I won't ever get on!! This is cool. Anyhow. I just wanted to say that I think jealous people are funny, and also stupid mean people with no lives. Let me laugh now. Ahahaha. Ok. Life is pretty good right now. Surprisingly. It is all on the up and up. Oh ok this one song came to mind...can't nobody take my pride..can't nobody hold me down..oh no..I've got to keep on moving! Woohoo yeah. -dances- I watched The Others.. Wow that was cool..I am gonna watch it again tonight now. Ok well I can't think of much else to write about. Uhmmmmmmmmm. Sugar free lemon jello tastes like that lemon pie shit. It is pretty cool. Hmmm. Ok well I am really out of things to say. Buh bye.

Comments: ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-22 18:20
Subject:Beauty is just having the right flaws
Security:Public

Today has gone by super slow. Literally dragging on and on. Had a really good session with my psychologist because I was just talking and not sitting there analyzing everything I said before saying it. Told her what I took, we laughed. I am so tired ahh. I'm going to go take a nap<3

Comments: 11 ring a lings - ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-21 20:04
Subject:Love means never having to say you're sorry
Security:Public
Mood: silly

Know what I hate? People that can't use the "your, you're, their, they're, there" and all of those kinds of words right. I can't take people seriously when they don't use the right word.

So yeah anyway. Fun weekend =D I had so much fun Friday night I had fun all day Saturday, and then today when I ran out of fun I had more fun. I am in a good mood. I want to hug someone. My cat hates hugs. I need a big, life size stuffed animal that I can hug. Ohh that would be nice. Like a big fluffy bear. I love fluffy stuffed animals! Woohoo! My ass is really hot. Like warm hot. And tingly. Heh. And the computer looks like it is really far away through a tunnel or something and oh man my tummy hurts. woah i just sat here for like 5 minutes thinking and realized what a dick this guy has been to me for like months and months and my friend is right i just need to block him or something. that is bullshit. i am better than that. I don't need to take shit from anybody. lol I was so out of it yesterday I was taking pictures with my washcloth (my washcloth is like a glove and all the fingers are duckies) haha you can like see it in my eyes how not there I was. ahh k I need to lay down for a bit just thought id update cause it has been a few days.

Comments: 5 ring a lings - ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-18 19:25
Subject:
Security:Public

Today I realized how bored I am. Not bored as in right now, bored as in I haven't done anything out of the house in 6 months exactly. 6 months. Good god. Of course I have enjoyed every minute of being lazy, but I am really bored now. Bored, restless...I was pacing around the house today. But..I don't want to go out..it makes me nervous even thinking about it. So blah. Small steps. Small steps are good.
I have already made a small step, not being on aol as much as I use to be. Not basing my life around the computer..making the computer a part of my "life". Oh and I am not posting as much. All good things. Mhm. K bye.

Comments: 2 ring a lings - ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-16 23:05
Subject:
Security:Public

What a great day. I was feeling really happy ALL day. Until now. Medicine must have worn off or something because I am having a major low. My cat killed a bird. After wiping her off I was walking upstairs and saw myself in the mirror. Then I started crying. I wanted to take it off of the wall and kill it. But I didn't. I just came in here, turned the music up and cried more. I hate when it hits me how much I don't have, how much I have lost because of ME. I can't blame anyone but myself. I hate this. So much. And I actually feel sorry for myself. How pathetic am I to feel sorry for myself.

There is one positive though. Ever since I met John I have been making little changes. I am starting to do other stuff besides sit on aol all day, and I am a bit happier, I feel human, sane, sort of like "normal". I have been telling myself over and over..A little bit goes a long way. It does. It just takes fucking forever. So my point of this though was thank you John..<3

I am out of it. I need my medicine. Lots of it. Is this me? Am I a different person when I am on it? Yuck. I don't care right now.

Comments: 2 ring a lings - ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-16 14:36
Subject:
Security:Public

It was around one. I had just finished working out for 3 hours, taking a shower, drying my hair, etc. So I am thinking, wow, an ass massage would be really nice right now. I remember my vibrating massage pad, the kind that you can lay on or set on chairs. I have decided that I have to have this thing on my chair before I sit down at all. My mom had been keeping it in the yellow guest room closet. I looked in the closet. No massaging pad. So I check the blue guest room closet. Not there either. Check the upstairs linen closet. Nope. Decide it HAS to be in the basement. Where else would it be? So I put on my slippers and robe and start looking around the basement. I wasn't seeing it, so I check the basement closet. Not there. One place left to look, if it isn't there it is gone. So I take the wood door off of the crawlspace entrance, and pull the light string. I scream. There she is, laying three feet in front of me, her lifeless body half hidden under a plastic blanket. Her hair had fallen out now. I completely forgot we had put her in there. The last time I saw her she was propped up next to the TV in the basement. We had bought her at a little store in the ghetto of Denver. She cost like, 200 bucks, and she wasn't even in mint condition. She was a gift for my mom on Christmas. My mom didn't like her, so she wound up in the basement. Kelly and I would change her clothes every once in a while. Changing her clothes is NOT an easy thing to do. One of her arms is stuck in a bent position, the other straight. We have to pull them off to get shirts on her, then weave her arms through the sleeves before reattaching them. She was probably really pretty back in the day. Now though, she doesn't look so hot. So anyway, I didn't find my massage pad. I am so pissed off. I have to give myself an ass massage now. -sigh-

Comments: 5 ring a lings - ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-15 19:07
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: weird

Blah. I am so...hmmm. I feel really funny. I am all tingly and light headed, I feel focused and spacey at the same time. Weird. My heart feels kinda funny too. Probably just the dexedrine.

Today was fun. Tonight has been dull. I want to go to sleep but I know I won't stay asleep all night. Yeah I don't have much to write about. Well I do actually, but putting all of my thoughts together and then writing them sounds like too much work right now. K I am boring myself just rambling on like this. Sorry to the people that read it.

Comments: ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-15 00:12
Subject:Lmao
Security:Public

Mr Abercrombie69: hey
Mr Abercrombie69: whats up
Pretty tears: Nothing..you
Mr Abercrombie69: i saw your livejournal icon
Mr Abercrombie69: you are way hot
Mr Abercrombie69: wanna cyber or something?
Pretty tears: Hahaha
Pretty tears: No thanks
Mr Abercrombie69: Damn
Mr Abercrombie69: wanan see my cock?
Pretty tears: Nope.
Mr Abercrombie69: do you liek sucking on cocks
Pretty tears: Nope
Mr Abercrombie69: im so horny..can i rock ur little cunt
Pretty tears: Nope
Mr Abercrombie69: You are no help then BYe!

Comments: 4 ring a lings - ring my bell.



Date:2002-05-14 13:35
Subject:Happy Mother's Day
Security:Public
Mood: amused

Well, I woke up at 9 this morning, in a fairly good mood. We went to Albertson's to pick up some cards and flowers. I found it humorous that the card aisle was crowded, and there were few cards left. There was this morbidly obese lady there that was taking up pretty much the entire Mother's Day card section, and everyone was reaching around, trying as hard as they could not to touch her, as if they would die if they did. I felt bad for her. We were headed to my grandma's after this, and I discovered that it was her 50th Mother's Day. I grabbed all of the balloons that they had, which wasn't too many, about 15. It didn't matter that some said happy birthday or whatever. I decided to give half to my mom and the other half to my grandma. The backseat of the car was not a fun place to be. So anyway, we are at my grandma's now. She made waffles, and I did all the pouring onto the waffle iron, waiting for them to be done, then bringing them to people, watching everyone stuff themselves with these nutritionless fatty squares, adding butter and syrup to add to the unhealthiness. But hey, I can't complain, no one was making me eat them, I don't think anyone even noticed, all too busy shoving food into their mouths. I had a nice conversation with my aunt, who is the family outcast. She lives downstairs in the little mother-in-law apartment they have in the basement. She was telling me how ever since she moved in, she had gained ten pounds, and that it was all my grandma's fault for cooking high calorie meals. How she had been eating less cereal in the mornings, telling me this as she added a few spoonfuls of butter to her 3 extra large waffles. I did my best not to make disgusted faces, just smile and nod. Not that I didn't enjoy this. It made me feel better about myself to know I have control and that I know more about the dieting world than she did. I love how people act as if they know everything about dieting and fitness, yet can't actually practice what they preach. There is this girl, what is her name, Dezi or something, a live journaler, who god knows how much she weighs, acts as if she knows all, telling me I don't have a clue what I am talking about, as she tells the chat room she will be right back, she needs to go check on her macaroni and cheese. Ha. Ok enough of this. I really couldn't care less how people eat or whatever, as long as no one is forcing food on me, that is totally their deal. And I am not really disgusted by watching people eat. Food is a part of life, I understand that, and I also understand people don't have messed up minds like mine that can't seem to think about anything but this stuff.

Haha I am sitting in a strange position I guess, my feet up on the desk, the computer in between my legs, and my dad walked by and said "You look like you are ready for just about anything there Amy" Ha. Funny stuff.

Well, I am off to do something else. I will write later.
<33

Comments: 2 ring a lings - ring my bell.


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