Amy (abstinence) wrote,
Amy
abstinence

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And the world makes sense, AGAIN

So, today, after Janet left I took a shower, and got online. Being bored, more than usual, I decided to read something.

At first I laughed, and rolled on the floor. Read more. Became very upset, hurt, ANGRY. I feel SO stupid. SO SO SO stupid. It took me THIS long to see this. I can't express how upset I am. How blind I have been. I had been having some thoughts before reading this, but didn't take them too seriously.

Things always come back to haunt you. ALWAYS. They will. You can't get away from it.

I am about ready to go back to how things were unless I get a VERY good explanation. So many things I have done recently. I don't have myself anymore. I can't call myself abstinent. Now I have NOTHING. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING. WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE!!!!!!!!!! I feel so dirty. Physically sick. It was all a lie. How fucking stupid am I!? How I brought myself down to a certain level and now I am stuck here, all for nothing. For a fucking lie. Everything I have prided myself for. Gone.
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